Most of what Freud said was wrong, but then, he was the first significant modern thinker to discuss genuine psychology, so we have to give major credit to this brilliant person who worked almost entirely alone to understand the human psyche. I say that he was “wrong” with most of what he said, but that is probably an overstatement. I use the work “wrong” for emphasis because such things as “penis envy” and other concepts were certainly conjecture at best, and projection at worst. Likewise, his understanding of ego, id, and superego remains interesting, but it is hardly an accurate picture of what goes on in people as they mature through the early years of life.

There are a number of things that Freud said that remain very interesting and seemingly true, at least for many people, if not most people. He said, for instance, that we create much of the distress that befall us, then claiming to being victimized by other people, nature, or circumstances. Related to this idea is what he called parapraxes (singular, parapraxis). You know of a subcategory of parapraxes called “accident proneness. Freud suggested that many, if not most, accidents that occur in people’s lives are actually caused by them in some way. Allow me to discuss some of the important matters that are related to parapraxes in this discussion. As you read, notice what you think and what you feel about yourself. Such musing might just be informative to you. I will discuss several parapraxes that occur in people’s lives.

Definition of parapraxis
The word parapraxis is derived from the Greek from para, which means “along side of” and the word praxis, which means activity. You might think of the many words that begin with para, like parachute, paragraph, paramount, and others. The word practical comes from the Greek word praxis as does practice and pragmatic. To think of a parapraxis is to think of something that is done that is “alongside” the activity. Think of a parapraxis like you’re walking in a park alongside your friend or your dog, but you might also be along side of your thoughts of the past or the future. In fact, you might be so engrossed in thought in your walk that you might stumble across a park bench.

The essence of a parapraxis in psychological understanding is something that occurs in you that is out of your conscious awareness. How often have you been driving and thinking deeply and then come to realize that you haven’t really been attentive to your driving. If an accident occurs because of your loss of awareness, this accident is a kind of parapraxis. You didn’t intend to have an accident, but your lack of awareness caused the problem.

Most of what we do, we do without conscious awareness, which would include talking and walking and driving, but more importantly, our brain takes care of breathing and blood flow without our actually being aware of it. The purpose of blood flow and breathing is to keep us alive. Freud, who actually created the word parapraxis, suggested that much of what we do in life has purpose other than what is seen on the surface in our words and action. We might actually consider that everything we do, whether what we say, don’t say, write or not write, act or no act, has some kind of meaning.

Primary kinds of parapraxes

Slips of the tongue. You have probably heard this more than other kinds of parapraxes. The idea here is that what we say that seems wrong, offensive, or inaccurate might just be something that we really feel. So, when you are planning to say something like, “I really like you,” you might say something like, “I really want to lick you.” Freud would say that perhaps you really want to lick the person. Perhaps you want to say, “That portrait is a really good rendition of you,” but you mistakenly say, That portrait is a really good perdition of you.” Freud might say that you don’t like the picture at all or perhaps you don’t like the person.

Accident proneness. This is perhaps the second most frequent understanding of parapraxes. Do you know of people who chronically lose their keys in the house. What about people who seem to have one accident after another, perhaps minor, like bruising themselves, or major, like car accidents. Freud would say that these people are “creating” these accidents for some reason, which we will discuss below

Slips of the pen. These are things that you write that are not what you wanted to write. Perhaps you write to a friend, “I really miss you,” but somehow your hand writes something like, “I don’t really miss you.” Freud might say that you really don’t want to see your friend.

Inaction. This is the opposite of accidents. A lack of action in something that you seemingly wanted to do, but somehow didn’t get around to it. We all avoid doing things that we don’t want to do, but some people seem to have an ability to avoid doing much at all in life.

Silence. This is the opposite of slips of the tongue. This is where someone says nothing when in a situation where it seems that they want to say something. Do you know people who just stay silent when asked a question, or someone who can’t find the words to say something that seems to be on their mind? Such situations might be with a deeply introverted person or someone who is truly trying to find the right words, but it might also be someone who doesn’t want to say what is on their mind.

Related phenomena that are parapraxis-like. Freud suggested that much of what we do in matters of play have unconscious meaning, particularly jokes. In the larger sense of play, a person might find a play activity of some sort that seems to take an inordinate amount of time that could be spent in more profitable endeavors. Some forms of play, or how someone goes about playing might suggest how he or she really feels.

Other possible parapraxes

Medical matters. This category includes medical conditions, surgeries, medications, and physical complaints. Consider people you know who have had a myriad of such things. This would include people who seem to have chronic pain all the time, but not always in the same place. Maybe you know people who have had MRIs, blood tests, and the like over and over again. Then, there are people who demand medications from their physicians and others who demand that they have surgery on something that may not really need surgery.

An important sideline to the medical issues is the fact that people actually create many of the medical/physical maladies they have. We call this psychogenic, meaning that a heart attack or skin cancer might actually be caused by my psychological state. Symptoms or diseases that are quite real may be due to the stress in a person’s life more than an underlying feeling or thouight.

Psychological diagnosis. How about people who are always “depressed,” “anxious,” suffer from ADHD, PTSD, or bipolar disorder. These five psychiatric diagnoses are the most popular ones with people while we might add autism for children, and often for adults. I see so many people who hang their hats on one or more of these diagnoses as if the label itself will somehow help them cure it. Worse yet, it justifies their failing to do what they need to do in life.

Psychological distress. These are the people who are simply unhappy all the time, tend to complain frequently, or can’t seem to enjoy life much.

Relational distress. How about people who are single…again and again never being able to find the right person.

Do you ever find yourself wanting to tell these people something like, “Get a life and stop complaining and looking for the magic bullet?” You’re not alone.

The causes of parapraxes

If we understand Freud and his followers, all of these conditions are caused by individuals who are unable, and likely unwilling, to admit to what they want, willing to find a way to get what they want, and work hard to get it. They have found a way or ways to subvert the process of seeing what needs to be done and doing it.

We all do this to some degree. I mean that we all avoid doing what we don’t want to do, or race through it, or promise everyone that we will get it done…someday. This is not what I am talking about with parapraxes. In the cause of conscious avoidance, I know what I am doing and may correct it. With parapraxes, I don’t know what I get and find myself caught in some kind of parapraxis thinking that this thing “just happens,” whether it would be accident proneness or medical illness.

If I am unhappy and can’t seem to find a way out of my unhappiness, it is distinctly possible that I could fall into some parapraxis. Unfortunately, then I would have an excuse for not finding a way to be happy. Likewise, if I am really angry at something or someone, I might fall prey to a parapraxis as a way of coping with my distress. Related to this possibility is the obvious: maybe I get the attention that I crave so much but cannot find a way to get genuine attention in any way. Good doctors are well aware of patients who simply need attention that they cannot seem to find in any other way but being sick in some way.

The cure for parapraxes

Awareness. That simple. More accurately, self-awareness. Then awareness of my environment, my social life, and my daily life. Fritz Perls, one of the greatest therapists ever once said, “Awareness is everything,” meaning if you are aware of yourself, people, and your environment, you will not fall into trouble, or if you do, you will find a way out.

But awareness is difficult. If you become aware that one or more of the aforementioned conditions might actually be a parapraxis, you might feel a bit guilty because you just might see that you actually caused this situation. This might be painful to see and cause you to feel a kind of embarrassment or shame, but this is not valuable. Rather, what is valuable is to see it, accept it, and work on it. This means coming to terms with what you really feel.

You might actually feel any of these things:

• Angry at someone, possibly yourself
• Lonely and in need of some kind of meaningful attention
• Avoiding doing what you know you need to do
• Finding a better way to go about how you walk, talk, drive, think, or feel

If you consider any of these things, be incredibly careful to whom you say such things. You don’t need someone’s advice, much less their diagnosis. You might get ahold of the phenomenon yourself. You might need a therapist to help you. You might just discover that this thing that is happening is not very important overall and needs to be laughed at, perhaps saying to yourself, “There I go again, doing my parapraxis. I wonder what that might be about.”