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The business of psychotherapy is largely about feelings. We tell our patients what most therapists tell patients: you have to express your feelings. Certainly, this is true: in order to be satisfied, happy, and productive in life you need to express your feelings. But the story is much broader than…
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Alive
“I will not let you die”. This is what my inner voice said to me this morning, sweating like an ox in hot yoga. I was holding the tree pose facing the mirrored wall noticing how curly my hair was in full body sweat when I heard the words. It…
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Tough Day as a Child
Veteran’s Day a long time ago. It was scary. We were home from school because, back then, the honored were honored with a real holiday. It is funny, in a weird way, how the brain registers such major passage events. I haven’t thought of my mother’s first brain hemorrhage in…
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Saying No
The most important word learned by most people when they are toddlers is “no.” The word no is more important than Daddy or Mommy. It is more important than love, joy, sadness, excitement, or disappointment. The word no is perhaps the first definitive statement of “self.” No defines me, or…
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“My bad” and Other Rules of Life
Everybody seems to have some kind of addiction. Mine is basketball. Despite my aging body, I can’t seem to get away from playing the game. This means (believe it or not) that I not only get up at 5 AM twice a week to play basketball, but give up my…
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One Day in the Life of a Therapist
The contemporary Russian author and former dissident, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, wrote a book entitled, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch some years ago. The book was made into a movie of the same name. “One Day,” as it was called was a story of one day in the life…
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Magic in Psychotherapy
I have a colleague who really does real magic in his work. The work where he does his magic, however, is not in the counseling office. Dan is not only a psychotherapist, he is also a professional magician. He has performed his magic in various venues, and sometimes uses his…
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Why me? Why NOT?!
September 16, 2013: Why me? Why NOT?! A most wonderful woman returned to my office this week after not seeing her for close to 13 years. Long story short, she was dealing with “how good life is” and what is wrong with that? Funny, I thought, here is a woman…
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Pieces of Truth
Most people who know me have already heard me say time and again that “truth is safe…it doesn’t have to be easy or likable, but it is always safe”. Not only is truth safe, truth is vibrant and evolutional. Truth is never stagnant. The trick is to trust the pieces…
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Meandering
Deb and I have just come back from…meandering. We were in “the Southwest” of the country visiting various canyons and Native American cliff dwellings and the like. This, like most of our travels are begun with a general thought or direction followed by a commitment to…meander. We stop, stay, leave,…