grief
-
The Centrality of Safety
The more I do this work of psychotherapy, augmented by daily life experience, I see that safety is central to life, and any abridgement of safety causes alarm in a person’s psychological state, which then causes alarm in one physical state and one social system. In other words, I need to be safe first and…
-
You’re Killing Me
Have you ever said, “You’re killing me,” to anyone? Or perhaps some cognate of this expression like, “I’m dying here” or “I can’t live through this.” Or perhaps, you just thought such things and never actually said them to anyone. These kinds of statements can be frivolous, like being with someone who is severely besting…
-
Thriving and Surviving
Some years ago I asked to talk to an African American man who had written a number of pieces in the local paper. In my email I said that although I had two Black sons in law and had Black men occasionally come to my office, I often felt that I was missing something important…
-
Lost Children
There are many lost children in the world. We hear of “trafficking of children, often originating in Africa, and many other tragedies of lost children, the most recent being the apparent thousands of children killed in Gaza. I have seen many examples of “lost children” recently from many different perspectives including the loss of children…
-
First Things First
Over the last few days I have had the privilege of visiting with several men who presented with complex situations in their lives: Sam is in the midst of an extended legal/court/attorney situation where there are problems with his wanting to have joint custody with children and a fair settlement with his former wife regarding…
-
Resolution of Trauma
Not long ago I wrote a blog entitled “the only mental health diagnosis” identifying it as trauma-related, and hence PTSD. This remains my opinion of the plethora of diagnoses that are so popular these days. As I previously noted, people simply want to make sense of ails them, whether their feelings, their behavior, their thinking,…
-
I’d Rather Die
You’ve heard people say something like, “I’d rather die than…” followed by something that they abhorred. Maybe, they hate tomatoes and would “rather die” than eat them, which would be true of my grandson. Or maybe, the person would find it abhorrent to own a green car or watch a football game on TV. We…
-
The Centrality of Disappointment
One of the most important terms to use daily is “disappointment.” Think about it: how many times during a single day are you actually disappointed. If you’re careful to note your feelings and thoughts, you will notice that disappointment is an experience that occurs several times a day. I want to discuss what disappointment is,…
-
Overcoming Shame
—
by
Almost everyone I see in my office suffers from shame. I wrote a blog a few years back differentiating shame and guilt, which remains an important element in understanding and conquering the phenomenon of shame in one’s life. In this blog, I will give some examples of shame that people feel in their lives, then…
-
Feeling Safe in the World
The world has seemed a whole lot less safe recently. This increased amount of fear has led to a good deal of anxiety. Lack of safety has at least been caused by the Covid pandemic for more than two years but also by the cultural challenges that the Black Lives Matter movement have brought to…