happiness
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Play
Play is a central ingredient in life. Asian philosophers speak of play being one of the cardinal elements of life together with work, friendship, spirituality. If we consider this philosophy, we need to consider how we can integrate play into our lives along with these other elements. But what is “play” we might ask. Let’s…
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Transitions
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It is important to honestly and forthrightly face transitions in life. We find that we are in an important transition. We have lived a good life and have enjoyed much of it, but now, it seems, that we are moving in a different direction, perhaps on a different path, perhaps with a somewhat different goal.…
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Grief and Relief
I just met with a man who recently lost his wife. They had a long, successful, and enduring marriage but she contracted a debilitating disease that dominated their lives for nearly a decade as she deteriorated in physical condition. This meant that the man felt compelled, both by love and by necessity, to be the…
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I Need to Feel Shame
Many people seem to need to feel shame, however crazy that sounds. Allow me to make sense of this seemingly nonsensical statement. Common sense seems to suggest that shame is a terrible feeling to have and most people avoid it like the plague. But sometimes the feeling of shame is better than the alternative. Guilt,…
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The Centrality of Safety
The more I do this work of psychotherapy, augmented by daily life experience, I see that safety is central to life, and any abridgement of safety causes alarm in a person’s psychological state, which then causes alarm in one physical state and one social system. In other words, I need to be safe first and…
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Surviving or Thriving
Some years ago I asked to talk to an African American man who had written a number of pieces in the local paper. In my email I said that although I had two Black sons in law and had Black men occasionally come to my office, I often felt that I was missing something important…
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Thriving and Surviving
Some years ago I asked to talk to an African American man who had written a number of pieces in the local paper. In my email I said that although I had two Black sons in law and had Black men occasionally come to my office, I often felt that I was missing something important…
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The Centrality of Disappointment
One of the most important terms to use daily is “disappointment.” Think about it: how many times during a single day are you actually disappointed. If you’re careful to note your feelings and thoughts, you will notice that disappointment is an experience that occurs several times a day. I want to discuss what disappointment is,…
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Looking for Magic
Everybody loves magic. I always admire someone who is skilled at doing magic, whether someone who is professional on a stage like a colleague of mine (Dr. Dan Feaster), or someone who is just good at some card trick. I always enjoy doing some kind of simple magic with young kids where I make a…