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Having a Love Problem
A patient I have seen in my office off and on for a number of years told me of a disturbing experience he had had on Christmas. I diagnosed his problem. He had a love problem. I see a lot of people with love problems. And I am not talking about relationships, at least not…
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Honest “I Don’t Know’s
As I continue to move onward in my early 70’s I realize more and more how much I don’t know or don’t understand. It seems the natural humbling experience of growing older. Beliefs and assurances now come rarely, and sometimes not at all. Life was so much easier when I was 20 and convinced of…
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The 4-8-12 Phenomenon
There is a very common phenomenon among the children that I see in my office. I call it the “4-8-12” phenomenon although I also call it the “5-7-9” phenomenon and other variations depending on how old the child is. However, these number can be multiplied in many ways as I will explain. I have been…
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The 10-2-1 Decision-Making Procedure
There is a relatively new body of thinking and research in psychology that examines the phenomenon of intuition. Intuition is commonly expressed as “gut feeling”. Previously, gut-feelings and the like have been seen with some derision because the thinking was that decisions were made with some combination of thinking and feeling. Now, it seems there…
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Don’t Be Careful
I just spent the weekend with my grandchildren: Alexis, three and a half, and her brother, Gavin, 9. The negative rules of our house are: no TV, no electronics, and no snacks. The positive rules of the house are: play table games a lot, talk a lot, read a lot, and generally explore the world…
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Water and Other Simple Things
Water. So simple. So necessary. So easily neglected. I will never take water for granted again. It has been a blessing (recently) and a curse (in the past). It started about six months ago. More accurately, it started several years ago. Much more accurately, it started 15 years ago. But back to the present and…
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Mother’s Job is Done
We have too much mothering in this country. Mothering of all kinds including biological mothers, fathers and others who for one necessary reason or another act as “mothers” to their children, government providing a kind of mothering too people who act like children, single mothers who have no choice but to continue to be mothers doing…
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Friends
“I don’t have any friends,” he said. Jack went on: “I don’t know what to do about this. How do you go about finding friends when you’re 50? I had a lot of friends when I was a kid; I had a few friends in high school; I met one or two people in college…
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Loving and Liking
I have been musing about the business of loving and liking. More accurately, I have been thinking about such matters for many years, certainly as most people have thought about these important elements of life. Deb and I have dealt with so many couples over so many years that it has become almost routine for…
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Knowing, Expressing, and Governing Feelings
The business of psychotherapy is largely about feelings. We tell our patients what most therapists tell patients: you have to express your feelings. Certainly, this is true: in order to be satisfied, happy, and productive in life you need to express your feelings. But the story is much broader than simply expressing your feelings. There…