A client of mine contacted me asking if I could help him with his alleged tendency towards procrastination. This got me thinking about this phenomenon, what it is, how it occurs, how to govern it, and possibly how it could actually be a good thing. If you know much about us, you know that we work heartily to avoid understanding “what is wrong” with people, but rather seeing “what is right” with them. We talk about a “strength to a fault,” and “governing one’s strengths,” and getting better at doing things we’re not intrinsically good at rather than looking at what is wrong and trying to fix people by changing. In fact, we don’t ever try to fix anyone, nor do we tell people how they should change. So, if we don’t look at finding out what is wrong with people, try to help them change themselves, and get fixed, what do we do? We work first to understand people, help them understand themselves, mostly, if not entirely looking at their understanding themselves. So, this is how I will approach my client who alleges that he has a procrastination problem.

Many people suffer what they call “procrastination,” by which they mean they “leave something to the last minute,” “delay the inevitable,” or even “neglect to do something in a timely manner.” You may be one of those people. But the truth is this: everyone procrastinates to some degree. Sometimes this is good and sometimes it is not so good.

In this blog we would like to propose that there is a better way of understanding what procrastination is, better ways to get control of the phenomenon, and eventually get done what needs to be done without tremendous physical, emotional, or relational pressure.

First, we want to suggest that a lot of what appears to be procrastination really is a positive personality function. We describe this function as a “low boundary orientation” to life together with the strengths and limitations of this part of one’s personality. Secondly, we would like to suggest how to effectively use this part of who you are. Finally, we want to make very concrete suggestions as to how you can see this part of your personality as good, but like all things good, it needs to be governed. Let’s start with describing what we mean by the term, “Low Boundary Orientation”

“Low boundary” orientation to action

• The basic operation of a person with a “low boundary” orientation is that of perception. This means such people perceive more than people who are not of this nature. Because they perceive, i.e. see, hear, and otherwise gather information, they see and hear a lot and hence have a lot more information at their disposal than people whom we would call “high boundary” people.
• For people familiar with the Myers-Briggs inventory, this would be “P” people.
• The essence of this personality characteristic is the intrinsic understanding that all boundaries and rules are “artificial” in the sense that they have been made by someone or some group.
• As a result of this understanding of the somewhat artificial nature of boundaries, the individual understands that s/he can challenge any and all boundaries.
• This is not antinomianism, which is an antagonism to rules, specifically moral rules
• It is not psychopathy, which is basic narcissism in order to get what I want
• Freedom is at the core of this orientation, freedom being a central way that a person feels, thinks, engages, and even produces. Such a person might think, “If I am free to do it my way and in my time, it will be done and it will be done right.”
• Low boundary people live in the moment, not in the future, thinking (and feeling) on their feet, much better than planning and executing.
• Spontaneity is often the result, namely being free to be spontaneous in action
• Many brilliant individuals, some political, some scientific, and some philosophical, have espoused this orientation towards life.
• Many low boundary people are fun, funny, agile and in the best sense of the term, “child-like.” They can take a moment and engage it with a flare of joyful improvisation

Dangers of being a low boundary person

• Avoiding doing something that is necessary
• Doing something that really isn’t necessary
• Thinking that “it will get done” or “I will do it” but these feelings fade into the distance with time
• Feeling (artificial) guilt, namely that someone will find out that you are procrastinating
• Being dishonest in some way:
  • Lying to others about what will be done
  • Lying to others about what has been done
  • Lying to oneself that you will do this
  • All of this is avoidance, false guilt motivated
• Being judged as selfish, dishonest, deceitful, or irresponsible

Valuing one’s low boundary orientation

• Know and remember that a “low boundary” orientation is a good personality characteristic
• At their best, low boundary people provide a reprieve from immediate obligations, and as a result bring a sense of joy and ease to their environment
• When people are accepting and valuing of their low boundary orientation, they are at ease and non-anxiety ridden
• Low boundary people need to be mindful that this is a gift and everyone doesn’t have it.

Being cautious with one’s low boundary orientation

• Be honest with yourself
• Be honest with others
• Keep in mind that all boundaries are artificial
•  Know that “high boundary people” value boundaries feeling that boundaries keep them save.
• Identify something that you have procrastinated doing and begin to focus it though a lens of being low boundary. How does that change your attitude?
• Challenge any kind of guilt (which is fear of disapproval)
• Challenge any kind of thinking you are irresponsible or lazy
• Begin to enjoy doing things on your time, in your way as a low boundary person

Effectively using your low boundary orientation

• Keep in mind these four questions when confronted with an activity that you might tend to avoid by procrastinating
  • Does this activity need to be done?
  • Am I capable of doing it?
  • What is the demand that this needs to be done, or who is demanding that it needs to be done?
  • Do I want to do it?

• Admit that you (probably) do not want to do it
  • This is the crucial element to proceed to doing or not doing
  • Admit this to yourself, not anyone else
  • Clear from your mind any vestige of false guilt or fear of disapproval
  • Not wanting to do something is not wrong or bad

• Proceed to do one of these things
  • Do it now (rarely)
  • Do not ever do it (rarely)
  • Plan to do it later. This requires a promise to yourself, not to anyone else
  • Do not make a written list. Just remember this thing needs to be done
  • Find someone else to do it

• The results of following this pattern
  • You do what needs to be done
  • You do not do what does not really need to be done
  • You have found someone to do what you really do not want to do
  • You affirm your low boundary nature
  • You avoid false guilt and deceit (to yourself or others)

• Feeling of accomplishment:
  • You may not actually feel a sense of accomplishment
  • It is possible that you don’t really care about the activity or its purpose
  • You can have the feeling of accomplishment in other ways:
    • You were honest with yourself
    • You did something you didn’t want to do
    • You are a better person for having admitted that you didn’t want to do something and then found a way to do it, do it later, or not do it

Personal example

I was raised in a very low boundary family. We were never on time for church although we never missed church. We would “just go” to movies, not knowing or caring when the movie actually started. So, if we were a half-hour late, we would just stay for the next showing and catch what we missed. We might call this tardiness, which it certainly was, but my family had a very low boundary orientation towards getting things done and getting to things on time. I took this tendency of tardiness, and what we should call “low boundary” to a fault. Functionally, this was a regard for our freedom but also a disregard for other people’s orientation to rules, times, and timeliness.

The result of my being a low boundary person to a fault, I was often late getting things in, did homework at the last minute, and often simply failed to show up when I had promised to do so. This harmed my self-understanding, and certainly understanding other people’s orientation to timeliness. I hurt many people along the way but I hurt myself equally.

• I didn’t practice basketball enough in the summer and hence didn’t make the team my senior year
• I didn’t keep up a regular schedule of study in college resulting in my moving from a 4.0 my first semester to a 1.73 my fourth semester, which landed me on academic probation
• I have many other examples of my failing to do things in a timely manner. As I look at these times and experiences, it seems, quite simply, that I was selfish.
• I got better at accepting boundaries and timeliness over my 40’s and 50’s, but I don’t think I really conquered the excesses of being a low boundary person until about age 60.

At my present stage in life, I can now affirm my low boundary orientation without the excesses together with a more mature understanding of other’s people’s desires for more accuracy in times and dates. Since Deb is also a low boundary person, we have come to accept the best of this orientation, which means freedom, but freedom with an important ingredient of discipline and responsibility.

• When we travel, we rarely reserve motel rooms, which usually works out well, but sometimes we’re stuck paying a lot for a room. We accept this limitation of our travel plans
• We take life day-by-day, and hence have varying ideas, hopes, and plans for every day but always with the underlying value that something could change that would alter our day.
• We muse, think, hope, and look forward to days and year ahead but with the co-important ingredients of being low boundary and being responsible for ourselves and other people with whom we interact.

Concluding thoughts

• Do consider whether you are a low boundary person and consider ways to value this orientation in conjunction with being generally responsible
• If you have a low boundary person in your life and find yourself disappointed or hurt by their actions (or inactions), initiate a conversation with your friend (or relative) and express you understanding of their orientation as well as how you are disappointed or hurt when you “can’t count on” them.

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