Families tend to have “family sayings” that have meaning to them but not necessarily to other people. These can be real fun to use in the right setting, but when they are used outside of the family, they might not make any sense to the people who hear them. My family has many of these sayings and we find ourselves using them frequently, almost always with a smile on our faces. Most of these sayings have historical roots, e.g. they come from some real situation, some real person, or some real activity that somehow led to the creation of the sayings. Allow me the indulgence of mentioning a few, and perhaps you will write back to me about things that you hear in your family that make you smile when you say them or remember saying them.
Racks and cutters
This saying has distinct historical roots, and the specific root is my father. Tragically, many people suffer from dementia of one kind or another, the most obvious of which is that of Alzheimer’s disease. I have the unfortunate history of having both of my parents having suffered from this debilitating disease, my father with the “early onset” variety with him showing symptoms as early as age 50 or 55 (he died when he was 64), and my mother showing such symptoms when she reached 80 (It is notable that most women over 80 suffer from Alzheimer’s.) This disease is no laughing matter but Deb and I, and to some degree our daughters, have retained a certain phrase that came out of my father’s dementia, something that my brother actually noticed because Bill had more contact with Dad during his deteriorating years. Know that the principal phenomenon with people with Alzheimer’s is that of memory, particuallry short-term (seconds) and intermediate term (minutes) memory not long-term memory (hours or more). More specifically, people with this disorder fail to remember nouns, which is the most prominent feature of any loss of memory. Note that you sometimes can’t remember people’s names or even the name of an object. My father had a great loss of nouns in his vocabulary and somehow came up with two nouns, racks and cutters, that represented what he saw in the world. From what I could determine, “rack” meant something that was stable, perhaps like a building or a chair, whereas “cutter” referred to something that moved in some way, perhaps a machine, a car, or a washing machine. So, Dad would refer to something (stable) as a “rack,” but you would have to see what he pointed to in order to understand what he was referencing. If he referred to a “cutter,” you would similarly need to observe what he was point at or guess as to the machine. This is a sad condition, i.e. to lose your memory, especially for nouns because it is nouns, not verbs, adjectives, and such, that are the center of speech.
Somehow, without meaning disrespect to my father, much less seeing dementia as a laughing matter, my family started to use the terms, racks and cutters, in our occasional speech. Sometimes we actually couldn’t think of the noun, and other times we might be referring to a collection of things that might include cars and toilets. To refer to the “racks and cutters” in the garage currently means all the stuff that we are taking out It has been a distinctively family-based phrase that we occasionally use, almost always without any thought of Dad or his diminishing vocabulary. There were some other elements of Dad’s vocabulary that have remained with us, namely Dad’s use of adjectives instead of nouns. He would refer to the “longs” or the “brown” meaning something that was long or brown. My sister and I talked about some jeans that I bought her to which we referred as “longs” not jeans. I can’t say for sure if the following adjunct came from Dad, but we seem to have taken the adjective-for-a-noun to a different grammatical level, e.g. referring to an informational board on a hike, walk, or drive as a “read.”
It is interesting as I think about this shortening of vocabulary that Sigmund Freud said that anything long and narrow, particularly in a night dream, was a reference to the male, while anything round and flat was a reference to female, a reference to his genital orientation in some of his psychological understanding.
Blue
I think this is distinctly between Deb and me, which one of us uses when we hear a question or a statement from the other person but we cannot hear what was actually said or asked. The origin of saying “blue” came some years ago (neither of us remembers the actual time or place) where one of us spoke something to the other person that was not understood (nor do we remember who was speaking and who was listening). Whoever was listening evidently only heard a blur of sounds and half-words with the only identifiable word being “blue,” so the hearer simply shouted out, “gazorninplat (or something equally nonsensical) together with the only identifiable word “blue” attached. Ever since that time in memorial when one of us hears something that is not intelligible, the hearer will say, “blue”, which is to say, “I didn’t hear what you said.” Occasionally, we use other colors, for instance when I am urinating in the bathroom and Deb tells me something. I leave it to your imagination as to what color I say. Saying “blue” seems much more appropriate than, “I can’t hear you” or “I’m urinating.” It works well…most of the time. At other times, like these when I’m in the midst of doing something, perhaps like picking out my shoes for the day in my closet, I just pretend that I didn’t hear her at all hoping that she will conclude that I didn’t hear her. I suspect she knows my ruse.
A lot of guys (and cognates)
This is one of several saying that we use in our household that originated with the Garrison Keillor radio show. I don’t remember the whole bit, but Keillor was talking about “guys,” and I think he wrote a book entitled Guys something. The bit was things that tradesmen say to one another when something hasn’t gone wrong, like the 2×4 wasn’t stationed properly. As it recall it, Keillor mentioned a (fictional) character in the story who commented on the figurative 2×4 that wasn’t positioned properly leading to the collapse of the wall. The crew leader said, “A lot of guys would have positioned that wood in a different way.” This was a seemingly polite way of correcting a fellow laborer without criticizing him. Then Keillor said there were cognates of “a lot of guys…”, which include “I seen a guy who would have…” (you have to use the grammatically incorrect “seen” instead of “have seen.” Or, you could say, something lighter, like, “a guy could…” or “some guys might…,” all of these statements being variations of “a guy could” instead of criticizing.
Now in our family these statements come in handy when something goes array, like when I forgot to put my car in park and it went on its own until it hit our other car. Deb could have said, “A lot of guys would have put the car in park before they got out of the car.” This has turned out to be a friendly way of teasing without meaning to make the other person feel offended. It usually works.
Careful not to drop that…
I know the origin of this one and it is some 60 plus years ago. I was working for a moving company and I was at the warehouse where one of my colleagues was slowly backing the truck up to the warehouse while another guy was waving him in. Somewhat on purpose the guy in the warehouse did not really warn the driver that he was about to hit the warehouse dock. So, when the driver actually bumped into the dock, the warehouse guy said, “Watch out so you don’t hit the dock,” which of course was already too late. So, I took this into our household and we both use it from time to time, often when one of us is showing and drops the soap (do you know what I mean, like you can’t keep the soap in your hands when you’re washing your back and it falls on the floor?) So, Deb will hear the soap dropping and say, “Careful not to drop the soap on the floor,” which of course is already too late. Our grandson who lived with us for three months last year picked up on some of these family statements, particularly liking this one when someone does something untoward, like spilling your coffee (“Careful not to spill your coffee”) or drop a knife on the floor (“Careful not to drop your knife”).
Colorful metaphor
We have borrowed this statement from Star Trek IV in which the Star Trek crew has gone back in time from the 24th century to the 20th century. Captain Kirk quickly picks up on the propensity of people in the current age who are inclined to swear and curse frequently. Spock observes Kirk doing that and he doesn’t understand the use of such language, but refers to such things as Kirk has said like, “Well, a double dumb ass on you” and other such expressions replete with some curse words in them. Spock refers to such expressions as “colorful metaphors.” Later in the movie Spock suggests that a certain situation “might call for a colorful metaphor.”
We have taken this as an opportunity for one of us to share with the other one a time when something has been done inadequately or something has broken or otherwise gone haywire saying, “Might this be a time for a colorful metaphor?” There appear to be many such opportunities in our life together, perhaps when I forgot to put the car in park.
You know what they do to you when…
Another family saying that comes from do movie was spoken frequently by the actor Joe Pesci in one of the Lethal Weapon movies. When he was in a situation that was unfortunate and he didn’t get what he wanted, he said, “You know what they do to you when…” (that followed by the drive-in fast food, the hospital, or elsewhere) with, “…they fuck you.”
We have taken the first part of this statement (and occasionally the second part) when we encounter something unfortunate, perhaps at the bank, grocery store, or the like, or more likely with insurance companies, lawyers, or politicians, saying, “You know what they do to you when you’re at….”
There again…
This is another of our family sayings that has entered our vocabulary as a friendly way from an unknown source. It is a way of expressing how something was done incompletely or incorrectly. An alternative use of this phrase could be used by the person being corrected as a way of suggesting that he or she has “yet again done something untoward. I use the phrase when Deb tells me something that I should have known before I charged right into doing something, which tends to be my nature. She might use the phrase for when I suggest a small grammatical correction (She usually says something like, “I’m going to lay down” rather than the preferred, “I’m going to lie down.” So, when one of us finds him/herself in a position of having been “caught” in some kind of minor error, it is a good way of saying, “Sorry” but with the added suggestion that the hearer doesn’t really care about what is being corrected. Deb certainly doesn’t care about the lay/lie distinction.
You have me confused…
“You have me confused” is a shorted version of something we heard…again from who knows where…of “You seem to have me confused with someone who gives a shit.” We actually never use this with one another but find ourselves using the statement or it’s cognates in reference to other people, always out of their earshot. We use this phrase in two different circumstances, namely when we heard something from someone or they heard something from us, both of which are times when someone didn’t seem to care about what was being said. Let me give you an example. We will sometimes use this statement when we have said something to someone that we deemed as important but they didn’t care much. Hence, we would say, “I had him confused… (with someone who cared about what I said.). The alternative is “He had me confused… (with someone who cared about what he said.). We would never say this to someone, only a private-between-us statement that allows us to admit to a disinterest without disrespect of the other person.
Not on the TCH
We know exactly when and where this comes from because we remember the exact moment of its inception. Deb and I were traveling through Newfoundland, Canada, perhaps 25 years ago, traveling on the Trans-Canada Highway (the TCH). Now, importantly, Deb loves her espresso coffee, which is pretty to get in most places in the world, but when you’re in the somewhat undeveloped province of Newfoundland, it is not so easy. Expresso is certainly, in St. John’s, the capital of Newfoundland, and in the two or three other medium size cities, but when you’re on the TCH going overland, there isn’t much at all but barren land, however being beautiful in its own right. So, we’re about halfway through the province and Deb desperately needs a cuppa. I say, I think we’ll find an espresso shop somewhere, but Deb is quite uncertain, and says quite clearly, “We’re not going to find espresso in the middle of Newfoundland.”
Now before I finish this story, I need to note that Deb is an “analyst” by temperament, namely a person who seeks information, seeks to learn, seeks to understand, and seeks to solve problems. That having been said, analysts like Deb are notoriously ones who appear to be “negative” because they hate to be wrong and hate to not know something. Deb and I have had fun with teasing this element of her analyst temperament for years, she asserting that she is “not negative” but just aware of problems and the possibility of danger. I, on the other hand, tend to be wildly positive often ignoring the possibility, or even probability, of failing at some endeavor. I get just as much teasing for my ignoring the obvious when I confront something that needs to be done.
Now back to the TCH. Well, what do you know, right in the middle of nowhere I spy an expresso shop and pull over in order to quench Deb’s espresso thirst. So, ever since this incident we have used this “there’s nothing on the TCH” statement to refer to something that Deb might think won’t happen or something that we can’t find.
Summary
You may use any or all of these statements as you please. Do know, however, that such statement, however meant in a spirit of joy and friendliness, could be hurtful to the person hearing, especially if they are unfamiliar with the process.
I’d be interested in your own family sayings: ron.johnson@midlandspsychological.com